Home is Where the Heart is...

I know, I know! It has been awhile. Life has been very busy for us as of late. Making big decisions, hard choices, and finding our own way. This summer has proven to be a hard one for our little clan. My sweet and talented husband lost his job over the summer and we made the move back to Florida...kicking our feet the entire way I might add. This July on a beautiful summer weekend, we packed up our tiny Missouri home that came to be known as the "Compartment", hugged some of the best friends we have ever had goodbye, and made the slow tearful trek south. Thankfully we still had our home in Florida and all of our family...which can be a curse and a blessing all at the same time! I had my pity party for myself and my sweet children felt bittersweet, missing sleepover buddies, but excited to play with cousins. Sometimes plans bigger than us are made without us even knowing. We grumble and fight, but then there is a moment when it all starts to make sense. A wonderful friend of mine calls this the Scarlet Thread that runs throughout our life. Sometimes we lose it and have our hissy fits, but then we find it and we use it to guide ourselves back on track.
Up until recently I had a hard time finding mine. Yes my husband was successful at work almost as soon as we moved back, yes Rae was able to get into a wonderful school, have an amazing teacher, and good friends, yes I was hired as a teacher in a school where I am able to work with old friends, yes Addie Grace was able to get into our wonderful preschool that we had sent Rae too....and to top it off my mom is her teacher....BUT all those things didn't lead me on that path to find my Scarlet Thread because I was in a hissy fit. I'll admit it, I am a big girl.
However, one thing has happened since we have come back that has put all things in perspective. My grandmother, after fighting Breast Cancer on and off for 15 years, is dying. Two weeks ago she was admitted into the hospital for some complications and pain...still laughing and joking with a wit as sharp as a tack. Three days ago, things took a drastic turn for the worse. Tonight as I type I am gathered in her home with family laughing, crying, and praying that she passes quickly and peacefully. This woman has lead an amazing as well as heart wrenching life. Mother of three boys, grandmother of four, great grandmother of 3 and a baby on the way. She has traveled the world, even celebrated her 50th in India with a large party thrown by friends. She has meet a president, helped run a company, raised a family...this and more with a home cooked dinner on the table at 5 every night in her younger years. She has battled cancer with a grace and strength that I can only hope to muster during my life's tiny tribulations. She buried a son in his thirties and a husband in his 60's. Her home is filled with treasures from her past and there is not one thing displayed that doesn't have an amazing story. Stories that I always loved to hear over and over. Stories that I will miss with an aching heart. My children loved their Grammy...always being fed jelly beans and Coke when mommy wasn't looking, being loved on and hugged on whenever they stayed still. This is something that I am so grateful and thankful for...the relationship they have with her.
Last Sunday, Craig and I took them to visit. When we got there we were told that she wasn't doing well and that it probably would not be a good idea to take them to visit. My aunt played with the girls and took them on a walk while Craig and I went in. When we were ready to leave, Rae insisted on seeing her. "Mommy, I just want t give Grammy some snuggles to make her feel better." Craig explained honestly what was going on and that Grammy was dying. Rae just said she knew. With much trepidation I let her go with Craig. My grandmother had been incoherent on and off and not really making alot of sense. When Craig announced that she had a tiny visitor, she opened her eyes and smiled, reached for Rae and hugged her so tight. Rae climbed into bed with her and let Grammy stroke her log blonde hair. She asked Rae to take a nap with her. Rae just laid with her. My sweet strong child has the strength and grace of my grandmother. If we had not moved home when we did, we would not have had any of the precious moments that we have had with her. I cannot express how thankful I am for my greater plan. I have found my Scarlet Thread.

Someone once said to me, "We are all but a breath away." That has never rung so true to me until tonight. Life is about the tiny sweet moments that we share with one another. Is it really so important that the girls go to bed at bedtime every night? Is it really important that they have a nutritionally sound dinner every night? Is staying a minute extra to hug and kiss my husband before we leave for work going to make me that much later? No, it isn't. Some nights we will stay up late just to talk or jump on the bed with the girls. We can have ice cream for dinner. I can lay with them in bed an extra ten minutes even though I am so tired from the day and they can sleep with me in my bed during a thunderstorm. Those are the moments that I will chose to make up my life and that my children and husband will remember always.

Hug your family tight tonight and tell them how much you love them.